"Welcome to the Generic Corporation's Death Adventure
family amusement park and safari. While waiting on our very
short entrance lines into the park itself, please take notice
of our many legal disclaimers and notices posted about the
park. They are for your protection."
- A repeating message
droned into the heads of
everyone waiting to get
into the park.
Two beings abruptly appeared at the end of a waiting
line, the shortest file among them all.
"Where are we now?!" Lou yelped with a hint of hysteria.
"Ye tell me. Mine eyes cannot explain," Shae-doe
remarked while rubbing the wind from his eyes.
Once Lou's eyes adjusted from their recent teleportation
from the depths of Heck, he began to, sort of, make out parts
of his surroundings.
They were on a line. The shortest of three, it seemed.
The other columns of people stretched back farther than Lou
could see in the dusk, while the end of the procession he was
on was almost upon the ticket window.
"Death Adventure?" Lou asked no one in particular.
"Yep," he said as he patted Shae-doe on his sequin covered
robed back, "Seems your spell worked right after all--don't
ask me why or how, but it did."
"Are ye sure? It still looks an awful like thy
half-abyss to mine eyes."
"Nah, we just left from there a minute ago. Although,"
Lou reconsidered, "it is sort of close, isn't it?"
"Next!" came the harsh cry from inside the ticket booth.
Both Lou and Shae-doe, upon the realization that no one
was ahead of them, walked up to the ticket counter, the same
ticket counter that now had a large placard posted above it
"Sixty and over. Only!!"
"What?" Tara screeched at the sight of Lou and Shae-doe,
both way below sixty years of age. "More of you stupid
"Well, excuse us!" Lou said rather sarcastically.
"Can't you read? The sign says sixty and over! Only!"
she screamed, adding a look of contempt for the last word.
"Well, who's been eating you?" Lou sneered. "Or in your
case, who hasn't been eating you," he added with a perverted
"Listen miss..." Shae-doe said, placing a restraining
hand between Lou and the window, "We would like two
"Tickets," Lou cut in.
"Tickets, yes, to enter, please." Shae-doe leaned back
against the gate, pleased with himself for being thy great
"No! Why should I?" Tara yelled a few seconds later.
"First some young punk with stuff pouring from his eye tries
to sneak past..."
Shae-doe's spirits sunk while Lou mouthed the word,
"Next some retard that talks to his bookbag pulls a gun
"Mongo?" Lou whispered to himself.
"Then you two show up!" Tara screamed, gesticulating
"Yes, us two!" Lou pounced, eager to regain the upper
appendage; "A powerful wizard!" He gestured at Shae-doe,
not unlike the way a salesperson would introduce his wares.
"And..." He swung his plastic banjo from round his back,
then continued, "And a very powerful spell-sunger!"
Lou strummed to plastic guitar. The sound produced was
not unlike the sound made by dropping a car on a dragon.
Unpleasant at best.
"Spell-sunger?" Shae-doe asked Lou, the same way one
would ask one's mother if she decided to quit her job and
become an astronaut.
Lou shrugged. "It was the only thing I could think of,"
he whispered. "Besides, I'm a little jealous of your
"No," the old woman replied, stifling a laugh.
Lou dragged his right hand over the fish line strings,
producing a noise not unlike the sound of screeching chalk.
"I'll sing a song..." he threatened.
Tara smiled then pointed to her right ear. "I'll just
turn off my hearing aid."
"Remember who's writing this book, hmn?" That's the way
to do it, Lou thought. Use my connections to get our way in.
Who cares if it's awkward and confusing... so is this book.
She pointed a snooty finger at Lou. "As if you know the
author of this book, young man."
Okay, okay. Let them both in. I can't figure out any
other way to get them into the park. And this book isn't
confusing. Is it?
"Oh," Tara replied dejectedly. "I suppose you two can go
As they walked through the gate and then through the
faulty metal detector, Shae-doe mumbled something like, "Not
him. Not that stupid Dungeon Master..."
"When ye get a chance," he said to Lou, "we will have to
discuss him," he pointed to the near night sky, "at some